Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
