he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
4 words: hood of his car
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
