God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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