Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
