when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
