I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
