yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
