She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
