Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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