somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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