our cab driver is having phone sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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