everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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