check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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