My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
