just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
