I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
