toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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