if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
