I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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