I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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