haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize