Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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