i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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