i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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