so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
