um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
