So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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