sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
