So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
