Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
