Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Randomize
