Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
