the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
