You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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