I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize