i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
