you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
