i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this will be a night to untag.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
