I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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