I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
