If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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