How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
