Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
