Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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