just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need water and some morals
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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