drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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