remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
