$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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