i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
