I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
