New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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