My nipple is on Facebook.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
