i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Vodka?
Forever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
