Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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