i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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