my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
