Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
