you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
