My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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