Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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