did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
whose parrot is this?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
