Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
