Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone shattered a urinal.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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