im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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